Thursday, March 14, 2013
A Longer Leash is still a Leash
After class on Tuesday I realized how much deeper my blogs should be, not only in analyzing my experience, but looking deeper into myself and gender communication. Elizabeth Mitchell's, "an odd break with the human heart," was an incredible piece of writing in which I found myself in many times. There was a particular section on pages 55- 56 that spoke to me especially during this time in my journey called life. I am one who tries not to bash the experiences in my life as they have made me a better person, however, we all have them and as much growth as they have give they tend to still suck. My mother and I have never had a strong relationship. We have never had anything to talk about except our faith in God. No boy talks, relationship issues, every day struggles of life, or situations I found myself personally struggling with. On page 55 Mitchell writes, "she keeps me on a long leash. To some extent, she seems to use me as a proxy to fight her demons of self-doubt and insecurity..." This spoke to me because it is exactly how my relationship is with my mom. She allows me to be an adult but only to a point. This point is usually when my wants surpass her wants for me, which a majority of the time are the wants she had for herself. I also notice that if it is my idea it's not a good one or if I change my mind I'm wrong, but once that idea becomes hers it is the winning choice. My long leash consists of big dreams, ideas, and goals but instead of the sky's the limit, the yard is mine, at least this is my perception. This article made me really understand that my mom isn't purposely clutching this leash in her hands, she's trying to hold on to what moments she did had and dreams she once dreamed of turning I to reality. While I complain of my long leash as a woman, I am saddened by the realization of my mothers leash and how shortened it was compared to mine and my grandmothers length compared to my moms. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs and my grand,others opinion on female doctors, I have to wonder do her opinions come from her actual feelings or her "no woman shall/ will/ could/should," scars given to her by her leash? Does my mother pull my leash back because she feels I can't or because her leash left her scars that scream, "no?" Is she trying to save me from this society of, "No woman" instead of having society leave the scars on me as well?
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Kimberly,
ReplyDeleteTruly, this is one of the most connected, most insightful blogs I have read in a long time....
I wonder, most of all, how this writing, this reflection, these insights into this complex I/my mother, my mother/myself continuum (relational way of knowing) that is mothers and daughters repositioned you in relation to YOURSELF?
Does that question make sense?
When I was confiding in a close friend recently about a struggle I was having with my own daughter (probably about your age), she wisely said to me: "It's one of the hardest lessons we have to learn as mothers -- our daughters are not us -- nor should they be."
My daughter and I have intense conversations about a range of things (boys, sex, intellect, family values, her relationship with her father, my values, her values, make-up, clothes, current events, her professional dreams, my struggles with an eating disorder, her struggles with weight and exercise, etc., etc., etc.) And while that is one of my greatest joys, I am still working on the "leash" thing. I love the title of your blog and it has given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
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ReplyDeleteKimberly, one piece of your writing really stood out to me. The statement about your mother; "She allows me to be an adult but only to a point. This point is usually when my wants surpass her wants for me, which a majority of the time are the wants she had for herself," really stuck with me. This just reminds me of our class conversation about "maternal instinct." I can relate to this because I feel that I am currently in a similar situation with my mother. Prior to our discussion, I always just assumed that almost every mother had similar views to mine, just because they were mothers.
ReplyDeleteThe way that you connected your relationship with your mother to Mitchell's statement about her mother keeping her on a leash was very powerful. You definitely gave me a completely different view of Mitchell's statement.