A struggle I no longer have WITH them but I have FOR me

      The more gender classes I take it seems the more I learn about myself. There is much about me that I just felt was "natural," that I was simply born this/that way; however in the readings done in class and the discussions where I must look in deeper ways I have found society has "made" us. In the article by Elizabeth Mitchell she writes a paragraph that touches me and Im sure it touches others too. She says, "we need to identify where our own passions lie and isolate them from what we think other people want for us. What do we want to do with our lives? Whom do we want to love?" For many years in every relationship I have had in my life (parents, friendships, romantic relationships) I have let others dictate to who I am. I have become who others wanted when they have wanted it, I went to college and majored in a career I know I did not want, I had an eating disorder because society said I was ugly and kids were vicious with words, and I gave up me to be who one wanted to be with while accomplishing their dreams and ignoring my own. 

       As a woman there is a struggle we have to be perfect. We have to constantly change with the trends of beauty, to remain cool like a man but elegant like a lady, have some power but less power than a man, and do what society finds acceptable. What is acceptable these days? Even more so what is acceptable for a women today? Tomorrow? Next week? For 23 years I searched for me and not just me as a human but for me as a woman and what I have found is joy and beauty in the struggles I have faced. I have learned, like Mitchell, to identify my passion and isolate them from others wants for me or opinions of me. I know what I want for ME and I know the kind of man I want to Love and one day call MY husband. I have discovered these things for me, by me, and with me in mind! I no longer feel the need to throw my food up, dress like the magazines or boys tell me, or live according to the wants of him/her/them, and I no longer put me away to be hidden. 

        While society will always be an influence on the way we live and how we feel about ourselves I know there are many ways around that  and that is knowing who I am and who I want to be. I have found my passion for life again and love for me and that in itself is beauty. My happiness came from acceptance from others for far too long. It saddens me when I think how far will we/others go to find happiness from others? Even more importantly is one's own happiness worth losing for another?